Beautiful nightmare.

If you're lucky enough to be different from everybody else. Don't change to be the same.

So now, tell me. What is the meaning of different.

You know what? I think I am slightly different then.

Why? Because I've got experience something different than a normal girl did.

I would like to thank to my fats.

Without them, I am not the Jialin, you see today.

So, this is a post written by me about one of the chapter of my life. 

A chapter of my life that I hardly talking about, because it was a nightmare.

Probably the worst nightmare ever in my life.

 

So, this was me. Picture taken during the first day of school. This is exactly how I looked like when I was thirteen. Very terrible isn't it?

If you think it is pretty terrible, how do you think about the feeling that the person in the picture.

She felt even worse.

She have no self confident, probably has the lowest self esteem ever but she got to be so tough with a very positive attitude because of her gigantic size and ugly look.

There are a long list that she want to do but can't, or hate to do but have to do.

1. She loves to dance, but she don't dare to do it because she scared people might laugh at her.

2. She wants to wear dress but her ugly manly look doesn't allow her to so.

3. She loves shopping but knowing that she can't fit all of them. She gave up on shopping.

4. Shopping are not fun at all, because she can't haunt for the clothes she like but the size that could fit her, which is XL, or sometimes worse XXL. 

5. She has to act like a tomboy although she is a very girly girl.

6. She has to finish up all the leftover of food for people due to her gigantic size although she is fulled. 

7. She has to be strong, thanks to her gigantic body size.

8. She hates to look at the mirror because she is ugly and look completely like a guy.

9. She can't cry, because big size girl can't cry. Nobody will care and sympathy you anyway.

10. She hates to take pictures because she don't want end up scare away people and also herself.

11. She can't join the girls talk about girly girly thing because she is basically not a girl due to her size.

12. She can't wear high heels but only slipper and sport shoes.

13. She stays home most of the time although she really loves outing.

14. Sometimes, she scares to enter the public toilet because people might thought that she is a he.

15. She might seems happy all the time but deep down in her heart and soul, she's not.

Basically, she can't do what a normal girl can.

Sigh.

Life is pretty sad and terrible but this girl here is special.

She is one cheerful, talkative and happy girl.

She has a very strong belief in miracle, magic, fairy tale and most importantly herself.

This is not the life she wants, knowing that she could make a change, she take actions.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. 

Live the life you've imagined.

So this is her after a year.  The result are pretty sweet although she is still chubby, or another word FAT.

She became popular, but that's not the point.

She became more to herself and she is very happy about it.

Although she is still the fattest among all her friends but she don't really care about it anymore because she is happy and in love with the new her.

Do you know what is the most annoying thing ever?

To me, it will be girls talking about fats. 

I mean you're already skinny or thin or light enough, why are you still complaining about it.

I personally thinks it is pretty fake and annoying. 

I mean come on, I am way fatter than you and I should be the one who complain about it first, not you. 

GIRLS. tsk tsk tsk.

The French say fat is flavour !! 

So if you are a little fat, its alright. Because you are juicier that way. ( Quoted by a friend of mine)

Be happy with yourself.

When the nightmare is finally over, I've learn to love myself, appreciate things more than anyone.

I love to take pictures because I feel pleased and glad whenever I see a pretty me in the picture.

It's like some compensate I got from myself after the terrible nightmare.

And this is the current me, Just Jialin.

Don't stop believing and never ever gave up, because the best are yet to come.

Everyone is beautiful. So, Be you. Find you. Be happy with that.

Belief make things real.

Just in case you need reminding, my reader. 

You're beautiful and always wonderful and probably the most awesome person I've ever know.

Have a nice day. *wink